I don’t like to moan publicly about troublesome customers but I have recently been driven to extreme madness from a man (I won’t call him a gentleman or a customer as it would be an injustice to the meaning of both words).

Every now and again I’ll come across someone who has no grip or concept of the real world, they think you can fix their PC for £2.50 and make a living from it.

This particular customer had a desktop PC that was completely dead, he stated that it was his friends PC and he would like to be able to use it before his friend collected it back in a months time, of course he didn’t want to spend a lot of money, he also stated that the machine didn’t have an operating system. So with the purchase of Vista Basic and more than likely a power supply to bring the system to life, add the labour cost to this and he was looking at approx £150, a little more than his £2.50 budget! Of course he gave up on the idea of fixing the PC, a good choice as I wouldn’t have poured money into an old system like that.

He then went on to say he would like a laptop, I informed him that I sold PC’s and am a reseller of Dell products. His new budget had risen from £2.50 to £300-£400, so I advised him I would contact him later after getting some quotes together.

Rather than heading for a basic laptop I was confident I could spec a good system for £400, in fact I did just that. On informing him of this I was knocked back by his next request, "Does it have Bluetooth and a webcam"? What more does he want for £400! maybe I’ll through in a Land Rover and a pair of Golden Retrievers in the back!!

But as ever I wasn’t going to be defeated, so I set about a system with his requests, in just a few minutes I had reconfigured the same system, keeping the Core 2 Duo processor and lots of Ram, a change of OS from Vista Premium to Basic and adding Bluetooth and webcam, the total being £420!!! Wow I’m good, well i thought I was? On contacting him again I was knocked even further back when he asked if I could do it for £400?

No I bloody can’t, I’d like to eat this week, £400 and my dinner every night would consist of a bag of monster munch and a snickers – party size at that!

So he accepted at £420 and the laptop was duly ordered, really by this point I should have seen the signs of trouble, but I am here to provide great service and that’s what I attempt to do.

It was late Tuesday evening when the laptop was ordered, so Dell wouldn’t pick up the order until the morning, he wanted it for Friday!!!!! I know that Dell usually deliver pretty fast but 2 days to build and deliver! Ever the optimist I didn’t dismiss the fact that they may deliver quickly but I did however state that more than likely it would be the following week when delivered. I clearly stated that, it was clearer than a freshly washed, squeegeed and leathered window. In fact I was so clear that if it had been a window I would have walked into it thinking there wasn’t actually a window there!!! Sorry I’m going off on one now, back to the story…

The man phoned me every day to see if it had arrived, on Thursday I said it would be highly unlikely it would arrive in the morning, so on Friday he called me – 7 times! Sorry I do like talking to people but I also have other work to do. And so the next communication comes (you guessed it) on Saturday morning by way of text message saying I’ve failed to deliver as promised and cancel the order. By this time I’m pi**ed off, so I reply in a calm fashion stating its fine to cancel the order but as the system has been custom made to his specification there will be a 15% cancellation fee, you can imagine he’s not so happy with this, £63 just to cancel blows his £2.50 budget! That changes his mind and the next text message states he will wait but only until Monday. I’m sure Dell are happy about that, they’ve finished for the weekend and now he wants them cut their weekend short to finish his order and get the courier to pick it up on a Sunday and deliver it ready for Monday morning!!!!

So the next call comes in Monday evening, Is the laptop here?, my reply – NO! It may arrive in the morning, it may not? Tuesday comes and the laptop hasn’t arrived, but a text message does, this time I have completely failed to deliver on my promises and cancel the order, as before, no problem, cancellation invoice on the way. A few more texts are exchanged, this time he says NO to the cancellation fee and tells me to get stuffed, NICE!
By this point I’m passed caring, and leave it.

To my astonishment Wednesday morning arrives, still no laptop, but guess what??? Yes that’s right he’s on the phone again. Has the laptop arrived? After the previous days text onslaught I was quite frank with him and said I didn’t wish to sell the laptop to him, by which he replied, this is a problem, I need the laptop today, he went on to tell me three times that this was a problem, a problem for who? Not me, I had laid the cards on the table quite clearly, just like I did from the start. Then again you’ll always get people who manage to talk and never listen. The sound waves of my voice passed through the empty void between his two ears, never mind.

So I’ve got a very nice laptop if anyone’s interested? And I’ve still got 2 Golden Retrievers, maybe I’ll send him one, it might bite him on the ass, wishful thinking, Mr Kumar……

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